I've been thinking about sexuality recently. Partly because I recently watched all the episodes of Sugar Rush over a few days.
It's always baffled me why people feel the need to make such a bit deal out of sexual preference. The need to label it, that you either are or are not this or that.
I know that for some people, it's about identity. About fitting in with a peer group, somewhere to meet like-minded and so on. And I know some are incredibly uncomfortable with the whole thing; both for themselves coming into contact with homosexuality and seeing it around them.
And I'm not going to blame anyone for feeling uncomfortable. Or for wanting to fit in. I just can't quite get my head around either of the two. I guess that's part of the beauty of everything - that we're all different; that we think feel want different things.
Years ago, someone I was close to made a big deal out of telling me she was bi. There'd been such a build up to this grand revelation, she was clearly scared about telling me and worried about my reaction. When she finally did tell me - I couldn't stop myself from laughing. I wasn't laughing at her, I wasn't belittling her, I wasn't laughing because I thought the very idea was ridiculous. I laughed because it was, to me, such a non-revelation. Does that make sense? It obviously was a big deal to her, but me? I didn't care.
Another friend - who I hadn't known that long - picked up a lass in a club one night we were out. She later apologised to me, and said she hadn't wanted me to find out like that. Like what? The same way I would've found out she was straight if she'd've got off with a guy?
I don't know. I wonder if this post comes out sounding stupid - or patronising - or even mean. But I don't mean to be either of those.
Whilst I understand the perceived need for labels I don't understand needing them - in my head that sums it up nicely but that may just be in my head ;)
4 comments:
Hmm. I don't think you sound stupid or patronising or mean, far from it. And I understand that being told something like that can be a non-revelation [an awesome term which I intend to use as often as I possibly can from now on!]
I agree that more so these days [yes, yes I am 90 years old :P] it does seems to be "trendy" to have some kind of label - especially on your sexuality - and some people I do think use it just to give off a certain image rather than because they want to simply define themselves in the same way someone would say "I'm a girl" or "I have brown hair".
However, I do remember very clearly when I was seventeen and told my best friend I preferred the company of girls rather than guys. I didn't want to shock or impress her, but she was my best friend and I wanted to tell her - it was expected until told otherwise that everyone was straight, and it would have been weird if my friend had found out by seeing me with a girl. I was absolutely terrified she'd reject me - there was so much stuff to think about. Would she ever want to sleep over at my place again? We were both into acting, would she feel comfortable sharing a dressing room with me ever again? Would she be afraid I was going to jump on her at any moment? It turned out she was fine with it of course, but it took me a very long time to get the courage to tell her and it was just as scary telling most other people for the first time too. Some years later it is probably more accepted and more expected so perhaps less terrifying now than it was for me back then, but still I do think for some people it can be a huge thing to tell someone, even if it doesn't seem like much of an issue to hear it. So maybe sometimes people aren't trying to label themselves or fit in, they just really value your friendship and hope they won't be rejected in some way if they tell you they're gay/Australian/fans of Jedward. [OK, it's probably OK to reject Jedward fans...]
These days of course I don't label myself, and if pressed to [for example on a form] I use the term 'pansexual' which is the most indiscriminate term I can find. But it is actually quite hard to live your life entirely label-free, unfortunately society just isn't built that way. Everyone wants to tick their little boxes when they meet you, I think it's called equal opportunities or something...
Hmm. I don't think you sound stupid or patronising or mean, far from it. And I understand that being told something like that can be a non-revelation [an awesome term which I intend to use as often as I possibly can from now on!]
I agree that more so these days [yes, yes I am 90 years old :P] it does seems to be "trendy" to have some kind of label - especially on your sexuality - and some people I do think use it just to give off a certain image rather than because they want to simply define themselves in the same way someone would say "I'm a girl" or "I have brown hair".
However, I do remember very clearly when I was seventeen and told my best friend I preferred the company of girls rather than guys. I didn't want to shock or impress her, but she was my best friend and I wanted to tell her - it was expected until told otherwise that everyone was straight, and it would have been weird if my friend had found out by seeing me with a girl. I was absolutely terrified she'd reject me - there was so much stuff to think about. Would she ever want to sleep over at my place again? We were both into acting, would she feel comfortable sharing a dressing room with me ever again? Would she be afraid I was going to jump on her at any moment? It turned out she was fine with it of course, but it took me a very long time to get the courage to tell her and it was just as scary telling most other people for the first time too. Some years later it is probably more accepted and more expected so perhaps less terrifying now than it was for me back then, but still I do think for some people it can be a huge thing to tell someone, even if it doesn't seem like much of an issue to hear it. So maybe sometimes people aren't trying to label themselves or fit in, thy just really value your friendship and hope they won't be rejected in some way if they tell you they're gay/Australian/fans of Jedward. [OK, it's probably OK to reject Jedward fans...]
These days of course I don't label myself, and if pressed to [for example on a form] I use the term 'pansexual' which is the most indiscriminate term I can find. But it is actually quite hard to live your life entirely label-free, unfortunately society just isn't built that way. Everyone wants to tick their little boxes when they meet you, I think it's called equal opportunities or something...
when one of my friends came out to me, it was a bit deal to him, but i was just kind of like, "yeah, that makes sense..."
also, i like that you used the word "lass."
It's odd. Some people put their sexuality front and centre, a lot, as if it's the single factor that defines them. Then there are others who mention it, but don't make a fuss or self-deprecate around it.
I think some of it depends on age. Older folk who've been out for years might be less inclined to make a big deal, save for some comments now and then, Stephen Fry, for example. Maybe some people in their 20s aren't out very long and are overly conscious of being out and are not sure how to tell some people. I don't know.
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